With the sudden divorce of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes I cannot help but think of their darling child who is between all of this. We have heard a lot of speculation about religious beliefs and this being the cause. I ask myself why wasn’t this all discussed prior to having a child within this union? Children are placed into these disagreements so suddenly and in their case so publicly. As adults, we must always keep in mind the children, and how they will feel throughout this entire process.
Be adults about the entire situation
I am in no way saying that two adults who no longer love one another should remain together. They would probably do more damage to the children by staying together. As adults we must in turn behave like adults. There is no need to fight for custody unless you feel the child may be in danger, a divorce recovery denver noted. Some adults want to spite the other partner and choose to not let the child see their father or mother. Consult reputed lawyers like Lawyer Smith in such cases to get a fair judgement with your child’s custody. A child goes from seeing both parents on a daily basis to an entirely new routine. What a change and so sudden. It almost feels as if you have your entire family one day and nothing the next. Parents must speak with their child “together” and let them know what is going on without getting so specific and becoming angry. Although you may be extremely upset with that partner, don’t display that in front of your child. You want the child to know that he is loved but some things must “change”. If it has to happen, allow it to happen gradually and not so sudden as a “sacrifice” to your child. Be an adult about it and help your child adjust. Despite the circumstances, think about your child first-not about yourself!
Children are children
Do not include your child in any of the “adult” decision making. I know this may seem like common sense but I have witnessed parents fight, argue, and belittle one another in the presence of their own child. If you loved one another enough to create this child, then love this child enough to discuss adult matters in front of adults, not in front of children. Children need to be placed in children situations and not in the middle of adult disputes. You don’t want the child to think this is all happening because of them, that they made daddy and mommy fight and now the family will no longer be together again. If you know that speaking to your mate will become a bit heated, designate a time and a place without your child to have these discussions so you can release these emotions.
Spending quality time with your child
Many times after a divorce both partners get into other relationships. This is often a sudden change and adults rush into introducing this new partner to their child. The parent then begins to include this new partner in all they do “with their children”. What happened to quality time with just “your child”? I often find this unfair to the child as well. Why should this child who has been through a divorce, lost their family being together, then have to be around another adult? Parents often don’t know how to divide their time with their “new” mate and their own children. Your child should remain your priority and although they may seem comfortable with your new mate- children require that “quality” time that only mommy or daddy can give. As a parent, have “Mommy” or “Daddy” time with your child, this means without your new partner a few times a week, so that your child has your undivided attention that she deserves.
Let us remind ourselves that we are adults and we are always under observation by our children. We want the best for our children – what better way to model for them during difficult times how to deal with them in an adult way.
How do you feel parents should approach divorce with their children?